Last night was no ordinary night of binge drinking. Last night I drank for AIDS. Leah, my roommate, is in a sorority; a sorority I too once belonged to until I realized that my $250 a semester would be better spent on gum that someone made me lick off the bottom of their shoe; however you give me a charity and an open bar wrist bracelet - come hell or high water, I'll be there. (I'm very philanthropic that way)
To be honest, I was very much on the fence about going to this soiree. You don't disaffiliate from a sorority with the best of friends - however I wasn't going to stay in an organization that fined me for my absences when I didn't show, and for my behavior when I did. Secondly, every event I did attend seemed to go from congenial to calamity within a matter of one drink.
If you've ever seen Long Island boys try to mack it to Long Island girls.. you have just been to any and every event Boston University Greek life has ever had. For those who can't envision this hodge-podge, the boys aspire to emulate
"Growing Up Gotti" 
and the girls are all too cool to pretend they'll hit it until about three drinks in. I mean, com'on - let them save face before having to level with the fact that their personality, or lack there of, still doesn't compensate for the sense of self-entitlement that comes from the amount they paid for that nose**. Welcome to the jungle.
and the girls are all too cool to pretend they'll hit it until about three drinks in. I mean, com'on - let them save face before having to level with the fact that their personality, or lack there of, still doesn't compensate for the sense of self-entitlement that comes from the amount they paid for that nose**. Welcome to the jungle.(**Note: There are many exceptions to this stereotype, as I am friends with many of them, but overall, all long island love aside this is pretty spot on)
Freshman year philanthropy event: 2006. One of the Greek frat's got the sorority involved in a breast cancer benefit. Living in the same apartment building as the fraternities president, I helped to plan the event. We had everything that one needs to make a great party: music, a great venue, edible food,... and booze to an under 21 crowd. All went off without a hitch aside from a slight debacle including a "greater then thou" frat boy, a raffle and a mic. Declaring himself emcee, rather then congratulate winners on their prize, he would verbally and sexually harass them, give shout outs to the brothers they were sleeping with if he found them attractive and then would play the "oh, you almost grabbed it but not quick enough" game while handing them their prize, which for each winner was a different variation of dollar store du jour.
My name was called, I hid behind the bar - there was just no way. Seeming like such an event could easily ruin an evening, this became one of the highlights in retrospect - go figure.
Sophomore year philanthropy event: 2007... lets just say the only highlight was leaving. Deciding to stick with breast cancer, we also decided to ditch the other Greek organizations that helped to pack the place and make the event more then a glorified chapter - but that's just one girls opinion. Regardless, if you say you're having a benefit, I'll bring friends - and I did. As most of my friends weren't in the sorority I had 5 of them come, at $50 a ticket, and as one of the only people to bring more then the mandatory me, myself and I, cut me some slack.
My name was called, I hid behind the bar - there was just no way. Seeming like such an event could easily ruin an evening, this became one of the highlights in retrospect - go figure.
Sophomore year philanthropy event: 2007... lets just say the only highlight was leaving. Deciding to stick with breast cancer, we also decided to ditch the other Greek organizations that helped to pack the place and make the event more then a glorified chapter - but that's just one girls opinion. Regardless, if you say you're having a benefit, I'll bring friends - and I did. As most of my friends weren't in the sorority I had 5 of them come, at $50 a ticket, and as one of the only people to bring more then the mandatory me, myself and I, cut me some slack.
Okay, I was late - but the check didn't bounce.
Long story short, the benefit was held in the equivalent of a classroom building, and between the florescent lighting, acapella groups and the fact that the bar was in a closet, closely guarded by two men with guns - after the second rendition of "com'on Eileen" it was time for me to go. I turn to Jamie: "If I have to stay here any longer, I will volunteer a breast". Although the bar was under lock down, I clearly was drunk enough not to be very discreet. Did I mention I also have a problem controlling the volume of my voice? I think you can figure the rest of this one out, in this case I've been verbal enough.
Back to present time, this year they (I say they now, because I am no longer apart of "we") decided the breasts were safe, on to pediatric AIDS. (Which FYI I truly think is an excellent cause, as is breast cancer) Lets hope third times a charm. It was being held at a respectable place, there was a new philanthropy chair and lets be honest, my roommate had to sell 3 tickets so there I was. Sure, throw me into the social lions den, and make me pay for it, but I usually owe her something and as such will attend.
Long story short, the benefit was held in the equivalent of a classroom building, and between the florescent lighting, acapella groups and the fact that the bar was in a closet, closely guarded by two men with guns - after the second rendition of "com'on Eileen" it was time for me to go. I turn to Jamie: "If I have to stay here any longer, I will volunteer a breast". Although the bar was under lock down, I clearly was drunk enough not to be very discreet. Did I mention I also have a problem controlling the volume of my voice? I think you can figure the rest of this one out, in this case I've been verbal enough.
Back to present time, this year they (I say they now, because I am no longer apart of "we") decided the breasts were safe, on to pediatric AIDS. (Which FYI I truly think is an excellent cause, as is breast cancer) Lets hope third times a charm. It was being held at a respectable place, there was a new philanthropy chair and lets be honest, my roommate had to sell 3 tickets so there I was. Sure, throw me into the social lions den, and make me pay for it, but I usually owe her something and as such will attend.
Someone up top was looking out for me and all my fears dissipated when I found out there was a pre-game, also known as, were going to get so sloshed prior to arrival, every one of your past relationships could be in the same room and you still won't give a damn. This is probably the only thing I miss. Only in Greek life can a benefit for pediatric aids be synonymous with 3 handles of vodka, 4 bottles of wine and a lot of pot to get into the groove of giving. I was going to be just fine.
I arrive at the "red ball", look around and realize one thing: a benefit for AIDS in sorority speak is a reason to rent out a place to condone underage drinking and look as promiscuous as physically possible, which in my thinking only perpetuates the whole epidemic so give me back my $15.
Leah is now convinced she can dress me up - but she can't take me anywhere.
I proceed to head to the bar, claw past the newly initiated freshman, claim superiority and chardonnay. At this point I am happily drunk and solely because I am not 18, feel full of wisdom that, of course, I feel the need to share. I wish when I was a freshman there was a Wasser Welcome Wagon to slap me out of my hideous bangs and tell me that nothing good happens in a frat house basement - ever. Luckily, I did know that lesson. Upon going to college my dad assured me that "I didn't have to go" and instead could hang with him. I had already packed so I was going. Once that was decided, it went from, "don't go" to "just don't go and get a reputation". As the Wasser Welcome Wagon is funded by the Pappa Wasser Work Week, I made mental note.
The one perk of joining a sorority, denouncing said sorority and then showing up to their events is that you are a hot commodity. I was the Jennifer Aniston at Angelina's 22nd orphans first birthday party. Its a big deal she's there, but they can't kick her out so instead lets all re-pose for W magazine and play family? And thats exactly what I did. All of a sudden I had grand-littles, and little's, and littles big sisters cousins. I met little's of bigs I never knew. Everyone was excited to see me, some not so much but so is life?... No, Not Erika Wasser's life.
I'm about two bottles in, when you see me, you better shut up, smile and keep your stink eye to yourself. If not, I will stand there until you do, which is exactly what I did until I became too large an embarrassment to my roommate and retired my negotiating tactics; headed to the diner next door where I proceeded to try and out sass our waiter who may I add was a very large, very sassy (although he will deny that comment), bouncer-esque black man. Best decision? I think not, but that's never stopped me before, right?
Between the waiter and my back and forth, my friend and I did manage to plan the most fruitful part of the whole evening: the framework for operation: Leah freedom; our plan to get my roommate a little something something. As she's started locking her bedroom door, we chanted this plan to her through the plywood when we returned to Casa Wassa to a muffled yet clear enough, "fuck you". Clearly no good deed goes unpunished.
I arrive at the "red ball", look around and realize one thing: a benefit for AIDS in sorority speak is a reason to rent out a place to condone underage drinking and look as promiscuous as physically possible, which in my thinking only perpetuates the whole epidemic so give me back my $15.
Leah is now convinced she can dress me up - but she can't take me anywhere.
I proceed to head to the bar, claw past the newly initiated freshman, claim superiority and chardonnay. At this point I am happily drunk and solely because I am not 18, feel full of wisdom that, of course, I feel the need to share. I wish when I was a freshman there was a Wasser Welcome Wagon to slap me out of my hideous bangs and tell me that nothing good happens in a frat house basement - ever. Luckily, I did know that lesson. Upon going to college my dad assured me that "I didn't have to go" and instead could hang with him. I had already packed so I was going. Once that was decided, it went from, "don't go" to "just don't go and get a reputation". As the Wasser Welcome Wagon is funded by the Pappa Wasser Work Week, I made mental note.
The one perk of joining a sorority, denouncing said sorority and then showing up to their events is that you are a hot commodity. I was the Jennifer Aniston at Angelina's 22nd orphans first birthday party. Its a big deal she's there, but they can't kick her out so instead lets all re-pose for W magazine and play family? And thats exactly what I did. All of a sudden I had grand-littles, and little's, and littles big sisters cousins. I met little's of bigs I never knew. Everyone was excited to see me, some not so much but so is life?... No, Not Erika Wasser's life.
I'm about two bottles in, when you see me, you better shut up, smile and keep your stink eye to yourself. If not, I will stand there until you do, which is exactly what I did until I became too large an embarrassment to my roommate and retired my negotiating tactics; headed to the diner next door where I proceeded to try and out sass our waiter who may I add was a very large, very sassy (although he will deny that comment), bouncer-esque black man. Best decision? I think not, but that's never stopped me before, right?
Between the waiter and my back and forth, my friend and I did manage to plan the most fruitful part of the whole evening: the framework for operation: Leah freedom; our plan to get my roommate a little something something. As she's started locking her bedroom door, we chanted this plan to her through the plywood when we returned to Casa Wassa to a muffled yet clear enough, "fuck you". Clearly no good deed goes unpunished.
If any are interested email but more details on that to come. Here's to hoping it goes better then operation: Iraqi freedom, which is where we get our name. I have hope, even though we're planning without the use of think tanks, elected officials and the like - which may ironically be the cause for our success.
P.S. Shout out to planner of said "Red Ball"... job very well done. (I give credit where it is due)
1 comment:
You could also make the argument that your sorority brought you into this life in Boston. Brought you into the friends you have and brought you into the "Casa Wassa" apartment, although, Leah might call it "Leah Layer"
If my theories are correct, then you owe a bit more to your sorority then the occasional, I'm your big big big let me get you a glass of chardonnay and a 1/8 of kush.
Perhaps you are encouraging the stereotypical, I'm too good for a sorority that I joined, so I denounce it??
Sorority girl or not, Keep up the writing and I'll keep up the reading!
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